Tired

I was reading a post today about seasonal depression and it really reminded me of Noah. He gets depressed during the winter months when it’s rainy and cloudy and is much much happier when it’s sunny and he can be outside. Sometimes I wonder if it doesn’t happen to me. But I know I’m just in a mopey mood right now. Things aren’t going well at school and it’s affecting me. I’m a firm believer in, if enough people are saying it then maybe you should check to see if it’s true. Well I’ve decided to look at me when I’m teaching and see if I’ve been overreacting or what in the breakfast room. I don’t think I have but I’m going to keep being introspective.

At what point do you say to youself, everyone has left me and I’m alone? I feel very alone. I’ve got Noah which is great and he is my best friend. But who do I talk to when I’m upset with or about him? Who do I talk to about my crazy dreams that I have been having about a previous boyfriend? I know email and cell phones are around and I can talk through them, but isn’t it better to sit down with someone and actually talk? I miss my friends who have moved away and I miss my friends who haven’t moved but are still gone. Sometimes I hate how being married automatically means that you’re a wife instead of a friend. You aren’t thought of when people are going shopping or what not b/c they don’t really think of you as being able to go and do things. I just want one person who I can totally be myself with and they don’t judge me. Sometimes I’m crude and sometimes I’m not very sensitive and sometimes I’m downright mean. But I’m me and I’m really not a bad person once you get to know me. Sometimes I’m a little hard to know, but I’m not a bad person. I just want a real friend…

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