I don’t think I fully explained myself in my last post. I appreciate the concerns and comments, I really do, and I am fully willing to compromise. And maybe it’s because you guys can see things more clearly from the outside looking in, but I don’t really see a compromise.
Noah is a dreamer. What he wants to do with his life changes every five minutes. I knew this when I married him. It’s part of what I love about him. It’s also the big part of what’s bothering me right now.
He wants to move out of the state of Ohio. I don’t. I want to be near my family. But this is a compromise that I have made. I have agreed to move out of state after my student loans are cancelled in about three years. I asked that we choose a state where we know someone because I am not quite as adventurous as DS and am really afraid of not knowing anyone and starting completely from scratch.
He wants to be a photographer. I support that. We bought over $10,000 in camera equipment and spent a ton more on prints. I encourage him to sell prints and helped him get stuff together for a show. I even pushed him really hard into his current job in a professional photo house here in Cbus.
The biggest problem is that he wants to go back to school. But he doesn’t know what for. It changes daily. And we just bought a house. A pretty expensive house. We’re not living outside our means, but it’s pretty darn close. We can’t afford for him to quit his job and go back to school full time. Especially when the degree that he wants is going to require 2 years w/out a job, moving out of state, and then possibly have to move to yet another state where he can get an unpaid internship for another two years and then from all the research I’ve done, it will be another five years before he makes any money as a photographer. So…here’s where I don’t see a compromise. I’m sure this makes me sound like a bitch, but I’m not willing to put my life on hold for up to 12 years. And I’m not going to be stupid enough to bring a child into this world that we can’t afford. It just sucks. And I don’t see a compromise. Most things I will compromise on, and even though I said I’m extremely selfish, he has a mental health issue that BB can relate to and so on most things that aren’t terribly important to me, I let him have his way. For instance, our entire house is painted and decorated in his taste b/c we don’t have the same taste and according to him, my taste is bad. But it’s not important enough for me to argue about. My life though, my future, that is important to me. And I am going to argue and advocate for myself. I have to or risk losing my husband. I’m a very strong willed woman and I’m not going to sacrifice the really important things in life, like kids, to my husband’s dreamer/unrealistic ideas.
If you stop reading me, I’m sorry. I love that I’m meeting new people and making friends on here. I love the support. But this is a really really important issue for me and this blog is a place for me to vent and “talk” things out. When I have a problem, I call a friend and talk it out. This is my way of talking it out. I love my husband and I have no intention of leaving him. And I appreciate all the suggestions to compromise. But I don’t see a compromise here.