I mean it blogging and real life friends. This whole baby talk and baby this and baby that and I’m pregnant? It’s got. to. stop.
I think you are all forgetting that Kari is an immediate gratification person. Immediate I say. If there is something that I want, I want it now. N.O.W. The more I talk about it? The worse it gets. And I want a baby. I think. At least 90% of me does. So you all being pregnant and talking about how you’re trying to get pregnant and having babies and flaunting them and talking about how you want babies? It’s not helping!
90% of me wants a baby. And probably 80% of that 90%, wants the baby NOW. Even though I know we can’t afford it. Even though I know we can’t afford childcare. Even though I know we’re not financially ready to handle it. Even though I know Noah’s not emotionally ready to handle it. I still want one now. And our friends M&K? You all have the cutest baby boy I’ve ever seen and he’s amazingly well behaved for being only one month old. This child sleeps for multiple hours at a time. On the rare occasions when he cries, he only cries once. Other than that he’s just cute as a button. Making faces and hanging out. I want him. So you guys, I love you dearly and him too, but I can’t be around you. I just can’t. And my BF from HS? Congrats on being pregnant, but I don’t think we can be friends anymore. You make me want to be pregnant. And asking me if I’m going to get pregnant soon so our kids can hang out together? That’s not helpful.
Now to address the other 10% of me that does NOT want a child. Each hit the nail on the head. A lot of teachers don’t have kids. Why is this? she asked. Well. It’s because we deal with your little monsters darlings all day. We expend all the patience we have just dealing with your children at school. Also? We wipe noses and disinfect our hands constantly. I don’t want to wipe snot when I get home. Not to mention the noise. When I get home, I want my house to be relatively clean and relatively quiet. With a child in the house, nothing is quiet and nothing is clean. Teachers deal with enough kids at school. We don’t always want one at home. But back to the 10% of me that screams NO WAY IN HELL! I enjoy my things. I am an only child. When people mess with my things, it annoys the shit out of me. The kids here at school destroy my crayons and such? It makes me mad. Why can’t they learn to take care of stuff? But a baby doesn’t know that. A baby just does what a baby does. If he/she poops on my couch, it isn’t because they were trying to be destructive, but they just ruined my $3,000 couch and loveseat. Also, I enjoy my money. I enjoy having it. When you have a kid, you have to pay for childcare. And clothes. And diapers. And food. And toys. And doctor bills. And lots and lots of other stuff that I can’t think of right now. Money goes bye bye. Next, I enjoy my body. Yes I would like to continue to lose weight. I’m working on it. But when you have a baby, it changes your body forever. Because who has the money after having a kid to hire a personal trainer to get us back to looking like the stars? Not me. Finally (I think this is it) I love my husband and the things we do together. If we want to take a vacation, we don’t have to worry about babysitters, just dog sitters and we’ve got people lining up to take care of our dog. If we want to go in the bedroom (or anywhere else) and have amazing, loud sex we can. We’re not waking anyone up. We just shut the dog out of the room and have at it. If we decide at the last minute that we DO want to go to the bar for our friend’s birthday, we just go. I know that having kids changes your relationship with your spouse.
So…in conclusion, quit talking about babies. I can’t take it. Please and thank you.