The meaning of things…

I never really thought about what it means to be married.  I know it means a ring on your finger and till death do us part, but what does it really mean?

It means that I’m married to my best friend.  Which means that I get to spend the rest of my life with him.

It means that we’re going to get on each other’s nerves and we’re going to be so mad we could walk out…but it means that we won’t.

It means that we keep trying to make our relationship perfect.  Until the day we die.  But really…until the day we die.  Not until the day that I get annoyed and decide I don’t want to try anymore.  Not until the day that we buy a house at MY insistance and now we don’t have any money and money is ALWAYS a problem and one of us decides we don’t want to deal with money troubles anymore.

It means that we will make each other so happy we could burst some days, but not every day.  And that’s Ok.  That our relationship will continue to change and we don’t feel the same way about each other today as we did when we first met or as we will five, ten, twenty five years down the road.  And that’s OK.

It means that we don’t have sex every day and that’s normal.  And Ok.  (And if you’re friends of ours, it means that you no longer have to give blow jobs 🙂 )

I guess being married really means work.  It’s not going to be like in movies or poems or theatre or romance novels.  But no one tells you that.

No one tells you that you’ll get to the point where you can spend the night away from each other and it’s Ok.  No one tells you that you won’t always feel as passionate and as “OhmygodI’mgoingtodiewithoutyou” as you did when you first met.

There’s a fine line between obsession and Love.  And I’m glad I’m on the side of Love.


8 thoughts on “The meaning of things…

  1. Great post. No one EVER tells you those things. Tells you about all of the work, all of those times when you just would rather be alone than with him. Tells you that that’s okay.

    Hang in there. And if you ever need to talk…

  2. No offense to Sass, I adore you, but I think what I meant with writing this post is that it DOES feel like a lot of hard work. And people spout things like that “it doesn’t feel like work if you’re with the right person” and it makes people who experience the reality of marriage feel bad about themselves. Doubt themselves. It is a lot of hard work. And it does feel that way. But it doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

  3. Great post Kari – I think marriage is all of the things you mentioned and then some. When I married Andrew I felt complete. It’s weird but that is how it feels. We don’t always get along – I hate when he is a “gross boy” and doesn’t shower on the weekends or laughs at himself for farting or burping. I get so mad at him for never doing anything around the house without my asking. But at the end of the day I love knowing that I can talk to him about ANYTHING and that he is the first person I think of to call when I hear something funny or just need a shoulder to cry on. I love that I don’t look at other guys the same way. Sure – I look. I mean God didn’t make David Beckham the way he is just for Posh – that work of art needs to be admired. But I don’t have any urge to be with him. I like the comfort in knowing I’m married to my best friend and that it is going to be like FOREVER. As you said UNTIL the day I die. It is definitely work – some days it would be MUCH easier to walk away and be alone. It takes patience, forgiveness, second-chances, third-chances, etc. When I married Andrew I told him that I wanted him to be my “family.” Your family doesn’t walk out on you. Your family loves you unconditionally. And thats exactly what I see marriage as – becoming a true “family” in every sense of the word.

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