Narcotics anyone?

Today the doctor made me feel like a junkie.

I have been in pain for a little over a month now.  I have minor, burning lower back pain that is always there.  It’s a constant.  I also have sharp shooting pain coming out of my hip joints and running down the outside of both legs.  The pain gets a lot worse when I stop moving, as in stand still or sit down.  Which is the worst because I can’t get comfortable.  I can’t relax.  I went to a chiropractor, and before you all boo hoo on chiropractors I usually have good luck with them, but I didn’t like this particular chiro.  I felt like he was dismissing my pain and he wasn’t helping.  I had a massage which felt really nice and gave me some pain relief for about a week or so, but I can’t afford $75 every week to try to have some pain relief.  So I talked to our school nurse about what kind of doctor I should start with to try to find out what was wrong with me.  She happens to be married to a chiropractor so she called him to see what he thought.  He thought that I have a ruptured/herniated/slipped disk in my lower back and said that the first chiropractor should have caught it right away.  The only way to definitely diagnose it is with an MRI.  A chiro can’t order an MRI for me because insurance won’t cover it.  So I had to try to find a regular doctor who could squeeze me in as soon as possible (because the pain is definitely getting worse and definitely interfering with my sleep and my job).  And of course since I’m not a regular patient with anyone, trying to get into a doctor quickly was not in the cards.  But I did get lucky.  Noah’s doctor squeezed me in on Monday.  She generally agreed with the chiro’s diagnosis and ordered x-rays and an MRI.  The x-rays came back fairly normal.  I apparently have a bone growth in my hip which may or may not be a problem.  The MRI is scheduled for Sunday morning.  She also prescribed me a muscle relaxer and some prescription strength anti-inflammatory.  I took a muscle relaxer at 9:00 pm and I was a mess and definitely not able to function at work the next day.  So the next night I took a half of a muscle relaxer.  With that one I could function at work the next day, but I didn’t get any pain relief.  I called the doctor today to see if I could get something for my pain like Darvocet (which I have taken before and I know I can handle).  One of her nurses called back and said in a nasty tone of voice, “We don’t like to prescribe narcotics for patients without an office visit.  Would you like to make an appointment for Monday?”  I explained to her that I already have an appointment for Monday and if I felt like my pain could wait until Monday I wouldn’t have called.  Her reply?  “Sorry.  You’ll have to wait for Monday.”  Seriously biotch?  I am sick and tired of being in pain.  It’s constant.  I can’t sit down and relax and I can’t sleep without pain.  I’m a horrible witch to my students b/c I’m either in pain or a drugged haze and I’m starting to take it out on Noah.  I feel like I can’t make it through the weekend.  I hung up and wanted to cry.  I’m not a freakin’ junkie.  I don’t sell drugs or buy drugs from people on the street.  I’m not addicted.  I’m in pain and I don’t wan to be anymore.  Why do doctors have to make us feel like we’re worthless piles of poo?  Just because I didn’t want to go to med school doesn’t mean that I’m making up symptoms and not worth your time!  Argh!

Just Breathe

Things have been rather crappy lately.  But I am trying really hard to be positive.

My tires?  We could afford them without having to put them on a credit card, so that’s a positive.

My phone?  Verizon is going to replace it for free and I get to choose a different model, I’m going with LG Voyager, but I have to wait for them to mail me a battery (no I don’t understand why either) and it will probably arrive tomorrow.

Our power?  Back on.  We paid an electrician $110 to come out and tell us that the problem was indeed with the power company.  BUT!  He should have charged us $220 and he was able to switch the furnace to a working circuit, so while we were waiting for AEP to come fix the power, we still had heat.

And I’m off work today!  Which is great!  And I’m supposed to work out, but Noah just texted me to see if he could come home for lunch so…I don’t know if I’ll have time to work out.  That’s my excuse anyway.

On another note, Noah and I have been having some problems.  Or rather, I’ve been having thoughts and problems and he didn’t know about them.  I didn’t want to talk to him about what I was feeling before I was sure of what I was feeling.  This all culminated in a giant fight Thursday night in which I told him that I had been thinking about leaving him.  We argued and when we went to bed, I don’t know that I felt all that much better, but at least I hadn’t left.  By the time we went out for late night appetizers Saturday night, I felt like I could breathe again.  I know that things are hard right now and I know that I’m having thoughts that I don’t like.  But.  I said that I would stay with him for better or worse, and I’ll work through it and figure it out.  I’m not going to stay with someone who I don’t love.  And I love Noah.  So I’ll figure it out, we’ll work through it.

Well Crap

Life is just shitting on us right now!

We hit a pothole and had to replace 4 of my tires instead of 1 because I have all wheel drive.

My phone stopped working last night.  Just stopped.  It’s an nV2 and the front half of the phone doesn’t work.  I think Verizon is going to replace it for free, but they don’t have any in stock so I have to wait with a broken phone.

Last night around 11, our power went out.  To 2/3 of the house.  And it’s still out.  We don’t have power to 2/3 of our frickin’ house.  We have no clue why.  The breaker box isn’t working.  So I have to take another day off work that I didn’t want to take and wait around for an electrician (who is going to charge us an arm and a leg I’m sure) to come out and look at the breaker box and tell us what ungodly amount, that we can’t afford that probably isn’t going to be covered by homeowners, that we’re going to have to pay.

Oh and I’m starting to get sick.  Which is also great.

Fuckin’ Valentine’s Day.

Random Letters

Dear Blog Valentine,
I’m sorry that I suck.  It is parent teacher conference week (PTC) and I don’t have motivation, time, energy, inspiration, nothin’ .  I got nuthin.

XOXO,
tired and uninspired

Dear Annoying Hippie Next Door Teacher,
Please stay the f out of my business.  You have your own classroom of 20+ children to teach.  Why are you so worried about what I’m doing and when I’m doing it?  I’m allowed to have a break without children occasionally.  I feel like I have an ankle bracelet on.  Today, I actually wasted an hour upstairs in the office instead of doing my work b/c I didn’t want you spying on me.  Stay the hell out of my business.

Sincerely,
Someone who has to waste time to avoid you

Dear IRS,
I really don’t want to owe you money.

Sincerely,
Broke and Currently owing you $600

Dear City of Columbus,
Please fix the potholes around the city.  If you cannot do this, please reimburse me the $634 that I just spent on four new tires because of the pothole you did not fix.  Please?

Sincerely,
Even more broke

Dear Subaru,
During the winter?  I LOVE LOVE LOVE my all wheel drive car.  LOVE!!!  When I hit a pothole and blow a tire, I do not love my car.  Because with all wheel drive, you must replace all four tires at a time.  All four.  This is ungodly expensive, as if there is a single tire killing pothole in a ten mile radius of the way I want to go, I will hit it and thus spend $634 to replace all four frickin’ tires.

Sincerely,
Sort of loving her car