Overwhelmed

Noah was all sad sack mopey last night, telling me how overwhelmed he feels because we don’t have a free weekend until Aug. 28th. Of course when he gets like this I can’t share what I’m feeling overwhelmed with because it’ll just make things worse. So…what’s a blog for if not to worry needlessly about things out of your control? (before I start, I apologize, my once yearly period started last night…I may be a little hormonal)

A. Money
Lots of things fall under money right?

  • The fact that our savings is only at $2,000.
  • The fact that we have $10,000 in credit card debt.
  • The fact that we seem to be leaking money like the oil spill in the gulf.
  • The fact that when Noah wants something, I have a really really hard time telling him no.
  • The fact that I did really good with no shopping for most of the summer but then went on a bender the last couple of weeks.
  • The fact that I had $500 to put on the credit cards a week ago and now I have $55 and very little idea where the rest of it went.  I thought we were doing pretty good.
  • The fact that we don’t have the money or time to put in a new kitchen floor and a new shower in my bathroom.
  • The fact that we’re talking about starting to try to have a baby next summer and I can’t imagine having a child with two car payments and $10,000 in credit card debt.
  • The fact that I had a job for the last four years where I made an average of $4,000 above my salary but we STILL have credit card debt AND I just took a job that means both a pay cut and an 3x increase in what we will be paying for our insurance.
  • The fact that I am still waiting for Noah to sell the tires and step sides from his truck that he promised he would sell almost 6 months ago.

B.  The House

  • The fact that we have lived in our house for four years and the following things are not finished:
  1. landscaping
  2. painting the gutters and shutters
  3. the kitchen floor
  4. Noah’s studio is not put back together
  5. my shower
  6. Noah’s shower and sink
  7. painting the kitchen….again
  • The house is a complete and utter mess.  Noah and I are hoarders.  Flat out.  Our garage was clean but is not a mess.  Our basement has never been clean, but now you can’t even walk through it.  We need to go through the house, room by room, and get rid of stuff.  This is compounded by the fact that my parents are trying to sell their house and move in the next month (long story) so we have to take all of my crap from my parents house and bring it back here and somehow find a place for it.  But we aren’t home so the cleaning/purging isn’t getting done and it’s driving me over the edge.
  • We have a dog, two cats, and a lizard.  I wish I hadn’t gotten the lizard, he pushed me over the edge.  He’s not messy and he doesn’t smell but until school starts, he lives on the dining room table which adds to the mess in our house.  The dog and two cats are shedding something awful this summer and leave us needing to vaccum daily…but we aren’t home so it’s not getting done.

Finally,  C.  General stress over a new job is starting to wig me out.  I haven’t really been excited for the new job.  I know that overall it’s supposed to help my stress level but…it’s at an elementary and I wanted HS.  It’s with a new district that I don’t know.  It’s with a new principal and new teachers that I don’t know.  My commute is longer and on 270 which…if you know anything about Columbus, you know that being on 270 during rush hour is a timekillerboredstupidwhileyousitandstareandthinkabouthowyou’regoingtobelateforwork commute.  I am getting zero training even though I asked for it, so I feel like I’m going in completely blind.  I’m taking a pay cut and money is a huge stress for me because Noah doesn’t really have anything to do with our finances (And before you make a suggestion that he help out, we’ve tried.  It doesn’t work.).  Insurance is going up 3x and I don’t fully understand what type of insurance I’m getting or how that’s going to affect us financially.

So yeah.  Whine.  Anyone want to come have a margarita with me?  On the rocks, salt on the rim, extra tequila?

Young’s Jersey Dairy Bike Tour

So Thank You to friends and family who donated for our bike ride on Sunday.  We signed up for the 56 mile route and due to a road closure, ended up going 60 miles!  60 miles!  I know, 4 extra miles doesn’t sound like a lot but it is.  Also, the hills on this ride were killer.  I expected to be a lot more sore and tired today than I am.  After the ride, I got a free massage and we had “dinner” with my Grandparents (I say “dinner” because it was like 3:30 when we ate).  It was all in all a very nice ride.

Noah looking fresh at the start of the ride.

Me looking fresh at the start.

Me on the massage table after the ride.

I would have taken one of the two of us post ride, but I seem to have lost the battery charger for my camera and am unable to take any more photos until we locate it.  Sadness all around.  These photos are courtesy of the Dayton Daily News.

Deep thoughts

Serious blogging two days in a row?

This has been on my mind for awhile.  As a woman, a teacher, and hopefully someday a mother.  There have been numerous studies lately about birth control and attraction to men.  Basically the studies show that women who are not on birth control are normally attracted to men who are genetically different, but compatible to them.  However, on birth control, women are attracted to men with similar genetic patterns to themselves, and therefor not as compatible.  There hasn’t been a whole lot of research that I could find that really talks about the implications of this but…there are some that jump to my mind immediately.

First, if we’re not as genetically compatible, then could this be part of the reason for the rise in infertility?  If women aren’t picking genetically compatible men when they’re on birth control then does it make sense that our bodies aren’t going to make or carry babies that aren’t viable?

The second thought in my head is kind of tied into the first one.  If we’re not as genetically compatible with our mates, and the babies don’t have as strong immune systems, then could this be leading to the higher rates of autism and children with disabilities?  I know part of the rising rates for autism and disabilities is because diagnostic techniques are diagnosing more children and part of the rising rates is due to modern medicine helping us carry babies to full term and save babies who, 40 years ago, might have passed as young children.  But I wonder if the genetic matches aren’t as strong, is this leading to a rise in disabilities?

Finally, I wonder if this isn’t part of the reason the incidence of divorce has risen since birth control became more readily available.  I realize that part of this is due to the fact that we accept divorce more easily in our society than we did 40 years ago.  The studies on birth control show that women who are in a loving relationship, go off their birth control, and are no longer sexually attracted to their mates.  Women who chose more genetically similar men are more likely to cheat.

As someone who’s been on birth control since she was 16, these studies are alarming to me.  I think about the problems that Noah and I have had and I wonder how much is my fault and how much could be caused by the birth control.  We all know that birth control causes wild hormonal swings and for some women it can lower their libido, cause weight gain, and all kinds of other crap.  I look back on all my relationships and wonder.  I worry about infertility and, as a special ed. teacher I worry about our child having disabilities.

What do you think?  Are the studies full of crap?  Are there things that make you wonder?

A two-fer!

So…this whole dress debacle has brought some issues to light.  I’ve never thought of myself as someone who has a body issues.  I was always proud of my body, be it a size 10 or a whatever.  I’ve also never been what I consider a “skinny” person.  I love my curves.  I have always had an hourglass figure and I carry my weight in my hips and thighs, so no matter how much I gained, I always had a flat tummy.  Then my size 10’s started to get too tight and the number on the scale was higher than I’d ever seen at 152.  I am 5’3″.  I shouldn’t weigh 152.   Also around this same time, I started having knee issues while cycling and went through a battery of tests.  The sports med people at OSU said that it was an over use injury due to the fact that I was only biking, and no other activity.  They suggested that I start running to complement my cycling.  Noah’s a runner, and I HATED running, but I decided to give it a try.  I figured it couldn’t hurt anything.  I started out slow, but gradually have upped my mileage and pace and I LOVE running now.  I run at least 8 miles a week and am training for a half marathon in October.  It also had the added benefit of dropping 25 pounds.  I have since gained at least one, maybe two of those pounds back but…over all, I’m still sitting under 130 at the end of the day.  I am thinner and in better shape than I have ever been.  This weekend?  These dresses?  Size 0.  0!!!  I should be ecstatic!  I should be on cloud nine.  I am wearing a size 2 or a 4 in jeans and a zero in dresses.  But.  That number on the scale is still getting to me.  I still feel like I need to lose another 5 to 7 pounds.  The ideal for my height is around 120 to 125.  But if I lose the additional 5 to 7 pounds, where will they come from?  My boobs have shrank to a small C (from an almost DD) and I’m already buying zeros.  If I lose more weight, I’m probably going to lose more boobs and have a hard time buying clothes.  Why am I more concerned with the number on the scale than the way I feel and the size and fit of my clothes?  Why can I not let this go?

Completely side note, decided to return both dresses.  They were far too expensive to be not perfect.  I bought this one and am going with this outfit instead.  forgive the grainy-ness and self-portrait.  I’m looking for some cute earrings, maybe a necklace, and maybe some sparkly hair accessories.  Plan on wearing my hair up.

I need your help!

We have a wedding to go to in August.  End of August specifically.  I don’t have any dresses that fit anymore and I want to look like I lost 25 pounds…which I have so…keep that in mind.  I have purchased these two outfits and I need to know which one to keep because one is going back!

So please vote!

I love the turquoise shoes with this dress.  You can’t really see it, but there’s a fun little detail on the peep toe and I think the straps make them look vintage.  But I really wanted color and this dress is pretty plain being black and white.

I love the color, but I think the dress makes me look wide and possibly pregnant.  I had a hard time deciding on shoes with this dress because I feel like it needs a lot of color.

So….wrap up….basically neither dress is perfect, but I’ve been looking for dresses since last August and this is the best I’ve come up with!  Ha!  So…please help me pick one!  Please?

Meet Leroy

So…I wanted to get a classroom pet. I really wanted to get dwarf hamsters. Noah and I have had them before (a disaster of 14 hampies at once!) so we know what we’re dealing with. Except the principal said nothing with fur. So…I got this guy!

Meet Leroy.  He’s a Mali Uromastyx lizard.  He’s full grown, about 12″.

He’s very easy to handle.  He loves being out in the sunlight!  He’s a desert lizard so he’s used to temps above 100 degrees, so I need to figure out how to simulate that in his cage.  He eats veggies and greens, so no crickets or mealworms to try to keep alive and deal with.  The main reason I decided on him as opposed to a Leopard Gecko or other lizard, is that he’s diurnal.  So the kids will actually get to see him move around and be active.  Plus, he’s big enough I think the kids can handle him without worrying about breaking a leg or something.  I’m pretty excited to have him!

What’s new?

Bullet post because that’s all my summer brain is capable of…

*We got enough money to ride the Alzheimer’s Ride so thanks everyone!  We ride next Sunday.

*With all the new babies and the pregnancies going around blog land I’m definitely in “I want to start trying now” mode.

*Summer school was officially over yesterday.  Thank God.  I was so ready for that to be over.  Between summer school and working at the bike shop, I’ve been working far too much.

*My parents are in contract to sell their house.  They had the inspection and appraisal this week.  But…they don’t have anyplace to go.  So it’s possible that by Aug. 11th, my parents will be homeless!  Ack!  They’ll probably move into my great aunt’s house but it will be weird.  I grew up in that house.  I will definitely miss it.  I had visions of my child playing in their house and on their property.  It won’t be the same.

*I had two moles removed and needed stitches for one of them.  It was weird.  I took the stitches out myself b/c I”m badass like that.

*I don’t know why, but I’ve been very sad lately.  It’s probably a combination of things.  I can’t stop thinking about my grandma and how much I miss her.  My parent’s house is the last physical place I have left that has memories of her.  It’s hard to think about another family making new memories there.

*My parent’s dog had a stroke.  They’ve been debating for two days whether or not to have her put to sleep.  Just when they make a decision, hard as it is, she rallies and they put it off.  I was there when she was born and she’s been around for most of my life.  I don’t want to see her put to sleep but I don’t want to see her suffering either.

*We’re dog sitting for a friend.  Two dogs.  Our house is not big enough for three dogs, two adults, and two cats.  It’s just not!

What’s new with you internet?