A two-fer!

So…this whole dress debacle has brought some issues to light.  I’ve never thought of myself as someone who has a body issues.  I was always proud of my body, be it a size 10 or a whatever.  I’ve also never been what I consider a “skinny” person.  I love my curves.  I have always had an hourglass figure and I carry my weight in my hips and thighs, so no matter how much I gained, I always had a flat tummy.  Then my size 10’s started to get too tight and the number on the scale was higher than I’d ever seen at 152.  I am 5’3″.  I shouldn’t weigh 152.   Also around this same time, I started having knee issues while cycling and went through a battery of tests.  The sports med people at OSU said that it was an over use injury due to the fact that I was only biking, and no other activity.  They suggested that I start running to complement my cycling.  Noah’s a runner, and I HATED running, but I decided to give it a try.  I figured it couldn’t hurt anything.  I started out slow, but gradually have upped my mileage and pace and I LOVE running now.  I run at least 8 miles a week and am training for a half marathon in October.  It also had the added benefit of dropping 25 pounds.  I have since gained at least one, maybe two of those pounds back but…over all, I’m still sitting under 130 at the end of the day.  I am thinner and in better shape than I have ever been.  This weekend?  These dresses?  Size 0.  0!!!  I should be ecstatic!  I should be on cloud nine.  I am wearing a size 2 or a 4 in jeans and a zero in dresses.  But.  That number on the scale is still getting to me.  I still feel like I need to lose another 5 to 7 pounds.  The ideal for my height is around 120 to 125.  But if I lose the additional 5 to 7 pounds, where will they come from?  My boobs have shrank to a small C (from an almost DD) and I’m already buying zeros.  If I lose more weight, I’m probably going to lose more boobs and have a hard time buying clothes.  Why am I more concerned with the number on the scale than the way I feel and the size and fit of my clothes?  Why can I not let this go?

Completely side note, decided to return both dresses.  They were far too expensive to be not perfect.  I bought this one and am going with this outfit instead.  forgive the grainy-ness and self-portrait.  I’m looking for some cute earrings, maybe a necklace, and maybe some sparkly hair accessories.  Plan on wearing my hair up.

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3 thoughts on “A two-fer!

  1. I like the new dress!

    The body image thing is so hard. I always thought I was carrying extra weight, especially in my stomach. It wasn’t until I got pregnant that I realized how flat my stomach actually was. I think we’re so critical of every little bump, curve, and number when it comes to ourselves.

  2. I always thought of myself as a slightly heavy person until I was pregnant with my first child. This was a very long time ago, so you will find it hard to believe that each visit to the maternity clinic started in the weighing room. All the women attending the clinic session were in the weighing room at the same time – and as each of us was weighed, the weight was called out!
    Strangely, this was wonderful for my body image. When I had reached the stage of being heavily pregnant, women who didn’t look at all pregnant weighed more than me.
    Now I have 2 grown up kids, and I am 5 foot 3 (like you) and I weigh about 125.
    I eat constantly, but love long-distance walking.
    Mostly I like being reasonably thin (and I am healthy) but there are some bad parts. One is that I almost always have to wear a belt – jeans just slide down. In fact I am most comfortable in dresses. The problem there is that I usually have them altered to get a really good fit – which costs money.
    So, my advice to you is don’t try to loose more weight.

  3. I like the new dress the best! You look great.

    Body issues seem to plague us all at different times. I usually find when I am not feeling so great about my life in general I am harder on my body. I try to focus on the fact that my body is an amazing strong machine and not something that has to look good in a bathing suit.

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