So…this whole dress debacle has brought some issues to light. I’ve never thought of myself as someone who has a body issues. I was always proud of my body, be it a size 10 or a whatever. I’ve also never been what I consider a “skinny” person. I love my curves. I have always had an hourglass figure and I carry my weight in my hips and thighs, so no matter how much I gained, I always had a flat tummy. Then my size 10’s started to get too tight and the number on the scale was higher than I’d ever seen at 152. I am 5’3″. I shouldn’t weigh 152. Also around this same time, I started having knee issues while cycling and went through a battery of tests. The sports med people at OSU said that it was an over use injury due to the fact that I was only biking, and no other activity. They suggested that I start running to complement my cycling. Noah’s a runner, and I HATED running, but I decided to give it a try. I figured it couldn’t hurt anything. I started out slow, but gradually have upped my mileage and pace and I LOVE running now. I run at least 8 miles a week and am training for a half marathon in October. It also had the added benefit of dropping 25 pounds. I have since gained at least one, maybe two of those pounds back but…over all, I’m still sitting under 130 at the end of the day. I am thinner and in better shape than I have ever been. This weekend? These dresses? Size 0. 0!!! I should be ecstatic! I should be on cloud nine. I am wearing a size 2 or a 4 in jeans and a zero in dresses. But. That number on the scale is still getting to me. I still feel like I need to lose another 5 to 7 pounds. The ideal for my height is around 120 to 125. But if I lose the additional 5 to 7 pounds, where will they come from? My boobs have shrank to a small C (from an almost DD) and I’m already buying zeros. If I lose more weight, I’m probably going to lose more boobs and have a hard time buying clothes. Why am I more concerned with the number on the scale than the way I feel and the size and fit of my clothes? Why can I not let this go?
Completely side note, decided to return both dresses. They were far too expensive to be not perfect. I bought this one and am going with this outfit instead. forgive the grainy-ness and self-portrait. I’m looking for some cute earrings, maybe a necklace, and maybe some sparkly hair accessories. Plan on wearing my hair up.