Blank

Today I just feel very blank.  There’s a lot going on, but I feel like it’s happening around me instead of my participating in it.  The first week of school is always different and interesting.  I have new kids, a new school, new staff, new everything this year.  It’s stressful.  These kids are more on the moderate to severe range of disabilities and…that’s not really what I want to work with.  But I didn’t know that going into this position.  I wish that I had.  I have to keep this position for for at least a year and then I can interview out, both within and with out the district.  I don’t want to be having these thoughts.  But on top of not really liking the level of disability that I’m working with, there are contractual issues.  With my last district, we had really good contract negotiations.  We got 3% raises for the next three years and they didn’t touch our insurance.  With this district, our contract is up and the negotiations are basically at a standstill.  The levy passed but the district doesn’t want to give us a pay increase, the pay increase that they promised the teachers before the levy.  The district also wants to up what we pay for our insurance, decrease the coverage, and exclude our spouses.  Starting tomorrow, we are “working to the rule.”  That means that I will walk in the door with the whole staff precisely at 8 and walk out the door with the staff precisely at 3:40.  This is so not what I want to be doing right now.  But it’s better than striking, which apparently is our next step if working to the rule doesn’t work.  It was really hard for me to make the decision to leave my old district for a new one, and I can’t help but wonder if I made the right choice?  Noah and I can’t afford to live without my paycheck for very long if the teachers strike.  We won’t be able to go on the baby making vacation we have planned for next summer in order to be able to pay our bills.  And I know that sounds whiney, but we have been looking forward to that.

I just feel like…I’m not attached to what’s going on around me.  I go to work and I do my job as best I can.  I come home and try to keep the house clean.  I go to bed.  I get up and start it all over again.  I hate feeling this way.

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2 thoughts on “Blank

  1. I hate that feeling too. And don’t feel whiney, we all go through these phases where we’re not really LIVING we’re merely EXISTING. Cut yourself some slack.

    I do hope the negotiations work out though…you have a lot going on right now and certainly don’t need money stress!

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