I’ve been whiney lately. Depressed. Sad. Anxious. Freaked out. Overwhelmed.

Things aren’t perfect. I know that’s life. I don’t need perfect, but I do need a plan. I don’t need my plan to necessarily fall out the way I have it planned, but I do need a plan. Our lives are very up in the air. Lots of things are out of my control. I hate that. I need to have control. I need to be in control of things in order to feel like myself and feel like life is on track.

I was whining to another teacher today and she said to me “At least you have a contract for next year.” And while I know that she’s right, I still felt whiney. When another friend asked how I was doing just a short while later I said, “Things are OK. They aren’t great right now, I’m feeling a little freaked out, but everything in perspective.”

Not two hours after that, I got a lot of very real to me perspective. Two very close and dear friends of ours are a one income household. He works here in Columbus and drives over an hour to his job. Been there for 12 years. She stays at home with their two boys in their lovely house. They’ve had some rough times last year, but this year has really been looking up for them. She and I have a fun summer planned of days with the boys and days where it’s just us girls. This afternoon he was laid off. As of July 1, he will no longer have a job. They won’t have insurance. They are worried they may lose their house. I know a lot of people have gone through this and are going through this right now, but it’s never really sunk in what “laid off” really means to a family until I talked to my friend today on my way home from school.

This is not something I would wish on anyone. No one should be going through this. It’s definitely given me some perspective on my whiney-ness.

I have a job for next year, even if it’s one I don’t want. We have plenty of money to live the way we want to, even if I wish we had more. We have health insurance and are both able to go to the doctor when we need to. We have a nice home that we own and are able to make mortgage payments on. We are both healthy and able to run and bike and do all the things we want to. Best of all, we have some amazing friends who listen to us whine and drink with us when we need it. So now we get to be amazing friends to the ones who feel like they are losing everything. We’ll help in any way they let us, and then in some they won’t. I know they will get through this and they will be stronger for it.

What helps you keep perspective?



…to say hello

Some disappointments and some achievements and life goes on!  Trying to find my positive mojo again.

Noah wants to move our baby making back to October.  My argument of “why do three months really matter to you” is easily turned around on me and I don’t have a logical answer.

Money is tight when you’re trying to pay off debt.  Noah doesn’t really seem to grasp the concept of saving money.  Plus a lot of things have come up that we have been putting off and they cost money.  At least we’re paying for them out of pocket instead of putting them on a credit card.  We finally, after 5 months, managed to refinance our house.  It’s a win because it’s $200 extra a month.  But it sucks because if they had actually acted on it when we started this process, we could have saved $1000.  That’s a chunk of change!

My ankle is occasionally fine and occasionally throbs.  This rain and gloomy weather doesn’t lend itself to working out.  Two weeks ago I got 18 running miles and 28 biking miles in.  Last week I got 12 running miles, 28 biking miles, and 600 yards of swimming in.  This week I am 0 for 0!  But hopefully the rain will let up and I can get outside tomorrow.

There are only 15 days of school left.  Where did the school year go?  And I am once again trying to figure out what to do next year.  And what effect that will have on our lives in the “future”.  Hypothetical future and hypothetical family.  I know people say you can’t worry about it, you have to do what’s best for you right now.  To those people I say, have you met me?  I’m a worrier and a planner and you could tell the wind to stop blowing before I can change that about myself.  I am working on it but…it’s hard.  This district that I work for is so disorganized and apathetic.  There haven’t been any internal job postings yet!  None!  I can’t apply for other jobs within the district, b/c as of five minutes ago, there aren’t any!  So I’m trying to decide if I want to apply out of district this year.  And if so, it needs to be the last time I change until we move.  I can’t hop around from district to district.  Trying to decide where to go kind of depends on where we want to live in the future.  Grrr.

And we’re back around to the fact that we’ve pushed baby making back to October.  I’m so frustrated by it.  Far more upset than Noah knows.  He definitely doesn’t understand.  He can’t help.  He can’t make it better.