I had a little mini meltdown today at work.
It all starts a couple weeks ago, well really around Christmas, but let’s go back a couple weeks. I had applied for another position within my building for next school year. I am qualified for this position, I have experience in this position, I have glowing reviews from my principal, and I’ve spoken with him at length about how I’m not happy in my current position but would prefer to stay at my current school. I apply. He doesn’t interview me. He calls me to his office to talk about other things and as I’m getting ready to leave he says, “OH and as a professional courtesy, I don’t really need to interview you for the position b/c I’m familiar with your work. I really like what you’re doing in your current position, you’re really good at it, and because I like you in that position so much I’m not going to offer you the position that you want.” Awesome. In one breath you tell me that I’m doing a really great job and that you’re happy with my work but…you don’t like it enough to give me a job that I’m qualified for? Then he continues with telling me that he’s had a few phone calls from other principals and he’s been talking me up. Ok. Great. Thanks a lot.
So today a co-worker is trying to be nice and asks another girl if she got the position. Right in front of me. Now I have to stand there and smile at someone who IS NOT EVEN EMPLOYED BY THE DISTRICT go on and on about how happy she is to have the job. I’m sorry but F you dude. You’re not even an employee of the district, you’re a long term sub. The only reason you got the job was b/c my principal is afraid of one of the other teachers in the building and you happen to be her son’s girlfriend’s best friend.
I’m just so mad. I do not want to do this job next year. It is not a good fit for me. I told him that. One of my students has pushed me to the very edge of what I can handle and it won’t be good for him or me if I continue in my position next year. I really need to get out of there and I had a golden opportunity where I could have stayed with the staff that I enjoy…but no, some other person who has had complaints about her performance gets the job. I’ve never in the 6 years I’ve been teaching had a complaint about my performance.
And I’m mad b/c no one seems to understand why I’m upset. They just tell me that it will be OK. And I know that it will. I know that I have a path and that everything happens for a reason, but right now it’s really hard to understand that. I’m having a hard time with this. I’ve felt like crying since noon. I’ve applied for 18 other jobs with other districts and gotten nothing but generic rejection letters. I need something good to happen right now.