I feel like I’m in a funk lately. Like I don’t really know who I am. Like I’m always waiting.
We’re waiting to have children. We’re waiting to move. I’m waiting for this school year to end (forget that it hasn’t even started yet). I’m waiting to get to my real life.
I realize that these are first world problems and they are probably mid-20’s people problems. But they are my problems and this is my blog 🙂
I’m nervous for the school year to start. One of my assistants has really close ties to the woman who is a total biotch to me and lied behind my back. Not even sure how to address that issue. Do I talk to her? Do I ask her to please keep what goes on in our classroom in our classroom? Do I ignore it? I already ignored it and look where that got me. But I’m afraid that talking to her about it will make it worse. I do genuinely like my assistant and I don’t want her to be in the middle of this. But I’m already there and by proxy, she is too. So where to go with that?
I feel like I should get more involved in my school. Last year was weird with the contact issues at the start of the year and then not really knowing anyone or anything. But I am normally very involved and in leadership roles at work. So I feel like I should get more involved. At the same time, it’s definitely an “old boys club” and I’m not even sure how to break in. I tried a bit last year but my principal didn’t keep me informed about what was going on and I ended up getting left out of meetings and such so it didn’t work out. Right now I just don’t feel like making the effort. I feel like he and members of the staff screwed me over for next school year and so why should I put myself out there?
As if that’s not the icing on the cake, my district is going back for a levy. They just got one passed in the 09/10 school year. This district has some serious issues with money management. They are already a lower paying district in Columbus but they can’t seem to handle their money. We’re going into this year giving back part of our pay raises, part of our step increases, and changing the frequency of our pay. Which I greatly resent. We already took a measly raise, 1.75% which doesn’t even cover cost of living and yet we have to give it back? Ridiculous.
I have to get out of this district next year and that leads me to another what if? I’m considering quitting my job at the end of the next school year and participating in a 13 month program to get my RN. However, we would most likely have to sell our house and move into an apartment. I don’t think we could afford to keep the house unless I took an excess of student loans to also cover housing. The program costs $30k. It’s an intensive 13 month program, so you’re in class 40+ hours a week and they don’t recommend working. Education came very naturally to me, but I know from high school science classes (which I do LOVE me some science) that science does not. This would require a lot of studying for me. But if I can’t work, then we can’t keep our house. But if I do work I’ll go crazy and probably not spend enough time on my studies which could result in some problems with my grades. Also, there is not a nursing shortage in Ohio. And definitely not in Columbus Ohio so…that would mean we’d have to leave Columbus and possibly Ohio in order for me to find a job. Also, we’d have a lower standard of living when I was finished because from talking to my nursing friends, they only make in the $40,000 (I know I said ONLY but I make more than that…a considerable bit more). That said, we’d probably have to leave Columbus, if not Ohio soon enough as teaching jobs are becoming few and far between. Our governor is screwing us over in the budget department and jobs are going to be lost. And because the program starts in January, I’d have to quit my job over the summer and sub from August until Jan…it’s probably not the best career move to just up and quit in the middle of the year, not to mention I don’t know if there are any actions the district could take against me to punish me for doing that. We’d be putting off having children…again. Which doesn’t make me happy but we’d barely be able to afford to live ourselves let alone have another person to be responsible for.
Anyway…I need to contact the nursing program and get more info from them. I need to talk to another relative who is a nurse and get more info from him. I need to make a gosh darn decision b/c I have pre-reqs to take if I’m going to do this and I need to get them done before January 2013.
Decisions need to be made. Once I set a path, then I’m OK with change but I’m not OK with flapping in the breeze waiting for life to happen.