except it’s Wednesday.
I really feel like I can’t win. Not at work. Not at home. Not personally. I feel a little defeated right now. I would like to believe it’s just hormones and this too shall pass, but unfortunatley I don’t have that excuse right now.
At work I’m working with a whole new team of teachers. They have different styles and aren’t as personable as Nicole was last year. Not that Nicole was a saint, but we got along really well personally so that made professionally easier. One team member is complaining because I said “crap” and she doesn’t use that word in her classroom. She also says my voice is too loud and feels that I made a kid feel bad about themselves today. Ok. Awesome. What am I supposed to do with that? She’s on her phone all day and is actively cruel to the kids. She’s the teacher in the building who the principal is really mean to and wishes she would leave. How am I supposed to respond? I played the “oh gosh, I’ll sure try to do better” but it just makes me mad and sad and whatever. This building is so gossip-y and this woman in particular. I don’t need this crap. She’ll spread it all around.
The other teacher I work with is cold and uber professional. She’s definitely not the warm and fuzzy type. I don’t know how to interact with her. I don’t feel comfortable asking her questions and asking her how she wants me to do things. I’m not comfortable in that room.
My screamer is getting worse and the team members (who have never observed him) are passing judgements and jumping down my throat at meetings, making me both look bad and feel bad. I’m definitely not making a good impression on the new coordinator. I feel like they are blaming me for his reactions and his behaviors but they can’t be bothered to come observe him. I’m nervous that this is going to end up getting my contract non-renewed next year if I don’t watch myself.
I am done with running. I am so over it, it’s not even funny but I have committed myself to the marathon and I have told people I’m doing it so barring an injury, I need to do it. I need to figure out how to finish my training and get ready when all I want to do is curl up with a book and/or an animal and/or a crappy movie.
Noah and I are fighting a lot. One of us is always cranky about something. Any time I try to talk to him about it, he turns it back around on me and blames me for it. He says I’m the one with the problem. He won’t take any responsibility. I get tired of always having to be the cheerful one. I need to have a break down too every once in awhile.
Can I quit life right now? Find a nice quiet corner and hibernate until next school year where the year with start with me having a magical new job? Aside from that, anyone want to get a drink?
After a stressful week at school and a horrific and frustrating and disappointing meeting at school today, I fully expected to be cranky and stressed tonight. I’m definitely not happy with the outcome of the meeting today but I think I’ve got it under control. I realize with this situation that none of the people making these arbitrary decisions about this student have even meet him or worked with him for extended periods of time. But I asked for help and knew this might be the outcome. I voiced my opposition and was out voted. I will send a calm, professional email tomorrow asking for more clarification and that’s all I can do. I can only change that which is within my means and…this isn’t. No sense in getting upset. Not the end of the world. And hey! When it doesn’t work (and I know it won’t), I can say I told you so!
Maturity. I has it. 🙂
…how sucky having a period was…and how depressed and sad the hormonal fluctuations make me. Blergh. The doctor said I might have a month or two without a period, not to worry about it. I got two days. Two days?!? Stupid period.
Also, I need a new shirt dress. Mine is turning grey instead of being black like it’s supposed to be. I considered dyeing it and even bought the dye, but I think it won’t take properly in the underarm area where the deodorant stains have left a permanant slick smear. I have looked everywhere I can think of. I found one at Anthropologie, but it’s not black and it’s $150. Anyone have any ideas? Less than $100?
And I need silver flats for work. I’ve looked everywhere I can think for those too. Any ideas there?
I may have bought these though while looking for the silver flats…maybe…:)
School starts Monday. I’m getting my hair cut and colored today. And my IUD came out about a half hour ago.
I really thought I would feel different once it was out, but I don’t. I’m still me. We’re still not trying until October but right now it just seems like it’s still there. No bleeding or anything. No cramping. Nothing different. I’m not looking forward to having a period again. Ugh. I considered keeping it in until October and now I kind of wish I had! I was worried I would have difficulty when it came out, so I wanted to get it done this summer. But knowing what I know now? I’d have waited until after the marathon. Oh well eh?
So today I will do nothing. I will enjoy my last day of summer by reading a book either outside or on the couch and I will enjoy my last summer of not working.
Monday starts a new school year which I’m neither ready nor excited for but it’s a job and it pays the bills and I don’t hate it so I guess that’s what most people ask from their jobs. Maybe it will be better than I think it will. I don’t see how it can be worse than I’m expecting, so the only way it can go is up!
I am thankful for today. The weather is beautiful. I had a great bike ride and dinner with a great friend last night. This weekend we’ll help a friend move and who knows about Sunday. Hopefully no bleeding and I’ll run my 14 miles tomorrow before we help him move. I’m trying to be in a good place right now. One day at a time.
I’m taking a class this week on reading instruction. The girl who got the job that I really wanted is here with me. She’s really sweet and I like her. Which sucks. I was prepared to hate her. Anyway irony? She wants to teach Autism.
I tried the new hair curly thingy last night. I wrapped it around a headband and tried to sleep. I’m not sure that it’s much different from what it looks like when I let it air dry but its a good option for day 2 when i don’t want to shower! Provided I sleep better next time I try it.