except it’s Wednesday.
I really feel like I can’t win. Not at work. Not at home. Not personally. I feel a little defeated right now. I would like to believe it’s just hormones and this too shall pass, but unfortunatley I don’t have that excuse right now.
At work I’m working with a whole new team of teachers. They have different styles and aren’t as personable as Nicole was last year. Not that Nicole was a saint, but we got along really well personally so that made professionally easier. One team member is complaining because I said “crap” and she doesn’t use that word in her classroom. She also says my voice is too loud and feels that I made a kid feel bad about themselves today. Ok. Awesome. What am I supposed to do with that? She’s on her phone all day and is actively cruel to the kids. She’s the teacher in the building who the principal is really mean to and wishes she would leave. How am I supposed to respond? I played the “oh gosh, I’ll sure try to do better” but it just makes me mad and sad and whatever. This building is so gossip-y and this woman in particular. I don’t need this crap. She’ll spread it all around.
The other teacher I work with is cold and uber professional. She’s definitely not the warm and fuzzy type. I don’t know how to interact with her. I don’t feel comfortable asking her questions and asking her how she wants me to do things. I’m not comfortable in that room.
My screamer is getting worse and the team members (who have never observed him) are passing judgements and jumping down my throat at meetings, making me both look bad and feel bad. I’m definitely not making a good impression on the new coordinator. I feel like they are blaming me for his reactions and his behaviors but they can’t be bothered to come observe him. I’m nervous that this is going to end up getting my contract non-renewed next year if I don’t watch myself.
I am done with running. I am so over it, it’s not even funny but I have committed myself to the marathon and I have told people I’m doing it so barring an injury, I need to do it. I need to figure out how to finish my training and get ready when all I want to do is curl up with a book and/or an animal and/or a crappy movie.
Noah and I are fighting a lot. One of us is always cranky about something. Any time I try to talk to him about it, he turns it back around on me and blames me for it. He says I’m the one with the problem. He won’t take any responsibility. I get tired of always having to be the cheerful one. I need to have a break down too every once in awhile.
Can I quit life right now? Find a nice quiet corner and hibernate until next school year where the year with start with me having a magical new job? Aside from that, anyone want to get a drink?