I am overwhelmed.
Work sucks. The students are very high need and I’m overwhelmed. I’ve asked for help and I’m not getting it. It’s only September. I shouldn’t be feeling like this.
The marathon is only a week and two days away. I have 18 miles and 5 more runs before the big event and I’m not sure that I’m ready.
Mostly it’s work though. It’s stressing me out. I can’t stop thinking about it. About what I’m doing, what’s working, what isn’t working, what I can change. It’s constant. My principal told me today that I should probably try to get out of the unit next year. I was like you think? Do you think I didn’t try to do that last year? If they had presented the unit to me in clear terms that stated what it would be like, I wouldn’t have taken the job in the first place. I never applied for ED jobs or MH jobs because that’s not where my heart is. It isn’t where I belong. This is like a combo ED/MH unit and I’m going a little nuts. Today I had two kids yelling, one trying to take a test, and one singing a stupid song (and I say singing VERY liberally…it’s more like a high pitched scream). It’s far more than I can handle and take at any one time. This isn’t what I want. It’s only September. How am I going to make it through this year? And him telling me that I should try to get out next year wasn’t exactly reassuring or helpful.
Can I quit? I can’t quit. How am I going to make this work for me? I thought that I could do that this year. I thought I could make this work but it’s looking like I can’t. Instead of getting inclusion kids, I’m getting self contained unit kids with high behavioral needs. We were told we would take 8 kids because their needs weren’t that severe, but both of my new kids are crazy high need. They can’t be in the regular classroom at all. This isn’t what I want. I need to get out of teaching. But somehow make enough money to support us.