Open letter to the editor

Dear Rain:  I tried to listen to Christmas music in the car today and realized that I can’t enjoy Christmas music when it’s in the 50’s and rainy.  Please turn into snow.

Dear Cranky Autism Unit teacher: if I didn’t invite you to my holiday beverage party, maybe it’s because I don’t like you.  You don’t like me.  You take every opportunity to talk about me behind my back and tear me down so…yeah, I didn’t invite you.  Why would I?

Dear Bob Evans Coffee: You suck.  I should have gotten the Newman’s Own brand that I love and doesn’t give me headaches.

Dear School:  We only have 17 more days together until Christmas break.  Please go by quickly and uneventfully.  I could use a break.

Dear motivation:  Please come back.  My running and I miss you.  I need to finish my mother’s scarf by Dec. 12th and I need to clean house before above mentioned holiday beverage party.  Please come back to me before I wake up in the morning.

These open letters brought to you by my cranky, scrooge-ish, unmotivated, getting fatter by the minute on cakes and cookies, rainy December’s suck self.

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work two days in a row?

so yea…today a student told me that she was going to “get a knife from the kitchen and bring it to school and stab you in the heart”  then she said she would “get a trophy for killing you”.  and she told the principal that she had every intention of doing it.  consequences?  none.

wine AND ice cream AND pizza all in the same night?  yes please.

How do I begin?

I’ve been meaning to blog about this for about a week but I just didn’t have the words. And I’m still not sure I do.

I left the very urban school district I Had taught for after five years to go to a suburban district. I listened to family and friends instead of following my gut and it’s gotten me in a bit of trouble. The very urban district had its issues, don’t get me wrong. But the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Now my current district is on financial straights. In order to balance their budget for next school year they have to lay off all gym, music, and art teachers, cut bussing, cut sports, cut recess and lunch aides, and cut an additional 60 teachers. Basically everyone who was hired in the last two years will be losing their job. I was hired in the last two years. There is a strong possibility that come April 30th I will have a pink slip.

I just can’t even fathom it. If I do get a pink slip I will have a hell of a time finding another job. Special Ed will help me but I still have 7 years experience and a masters so they have to pay me far more than a first year teacher so my chances of being hired are slim. That’s part of what last year when I tried to leave my district…I cost too much.

All of Noah and I’s plans for him quitting his job and us starting a family are up in the air. We’ve decided we’re not doing Christmas for ourselves this year and we are pretty much canceling our spring break marathon plans. I’m afraid to do anything until April 30. It’s terrifying. I’m kicking myself for leaving the urban district where I was before. I liked the kids and the staff. Principals stink no matter where you go and parents are always difficult but I enjoyed it there and I shouldn’t have left. We’d have more money, better insurance, and I wouldn’t be on the chopping block. Ugh. How am I going to wait five months to know if I have a job?

I want to help…

but it’s really none of my business and it’s a person I don’t even know.

I’ve developed a bit of a pinterest obsession.  🙂  Surprise right?  I wonder how long it will last.  Blogging consistently didn’t last very long and neither did Tumblr or Twitter.  So we’ll see.  But.  Point.  Right.  I was browsing and found a pin for Brittany Spears’ workout from her “prime.”  I was intrigued so I clicked over.

It led me to a blog of a 19 year old girl who absolutely hates herself.  She hates the way she looks.  She hates dieting.  She thinks she should look like Nicole Ritchie.  She talks about this time in her life when everything was perfect.  She was eating the following:  diet coke for breakfast, bag of chips and skittles for lunch, and bread and butter for dinner.  She was going to dance every day on top of that.  She talks about how that time her life was perfect.  She was counting calories.  She listed her food intake.  She was taking in 500 calories a day.  She was beating herself up for taking in that many.  That wasn’t working so now she’s decided to fast.  She’s not eating.  Only drinking water.

Reading her tumblr made me extremely sad.  I hate that this young woman, 19 years old, has such a negative body image that she’s beating herself up for eating.  She’s decided that the only way her life will be “perfect” is if she’s really tiny and thin.  And she’s decided that instead of doing it the right way, eating healthy and exercising, she’s going to fast.  She stated that she understands that it’s an eating disorder and that this is her choice and that’s what she wants to do.  I know that it’s her choice.  I understand that.  But I am so sad.  I wish there was something I could do.  Something I could say.  Things get better!  They do!  She needs to figure out how to accept herself.  She’s very clear on her blog that she doesn’t want to hear anyone who disagrees with her, and I’m a total stranger so what can I really say?  But I wish I could.  I wish I could say something, do something, help her in some way.  I also wish the people who are encouraging her to behave this way would stop.  It’s not healthy.  Part of why she didn’t lose weight when she dropped down to 500 calories was because it was unhealthy.  Her body went into starvation mode and hung onto every last calorie she took in.  Also, she only did that for about two weeks…not really long enough to see results.  Ugh.  I need to go to bed but I’m going to be thinking about this girl…hoping she wakes up and realizes how wonderful she is just the way she is.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be thinner…I have five pounds I want to lose…no biggie.  But doing it the way she is doing it isn’t the way to go.