Again?

I’m angsting (is that a word?  apparently not…but I like it) over work.  Continually.  I’m pretty sure that I’m going to lose my job in the spring so do I start looking now?  Do I wait and take my chances?  When you’re a teacher, leaving in the middle of the year is unheard of.  You just don’t do it.  But if I have a chance to leave, do I take it?  If I had a job interview, should I go for it?  I probably should, but the guilt that I feel over the mere thought of leaving my students mid year makes my stomach churn.  My stomach has been so upset lately I actually took a pregnancy test thinking I might be pregnant.  And when it came back negative, I was a little relieved.  I want to start a family, but in times like this?  Uncertain times where I may not have a paycheck next year and we may lose our house, where I might have to do a job interview obviously pregnant, are probably not the best time.

Amid all of that, on my drive to work this morning I realized that while I do whine a lot and I always want something “more” (whatever that might be…who knows), I am very lucky and I am very thankful to have my family and friends around me.  I am thankful for what I have.  I am grateful to have the online community (even though I disappear for months at a time), the school community, my friends from my previous jobs, and our families around us.  I am lucky to have a nice home, nice cars, the ability to run marathons, and live a comfortable life style.  I am lucky to have a job that I enjoy, with students and families that I love.  I am lucky and I am thankful.  I need to remember that more…less whine, more thanks.

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