Thank you!

A big thanks to Erin for organizing the mug swap and to Lisa for my gift.  I had fun picking out something for a fellow teacher and Lisa sent me a mug I’ve been coveting for months!

  (mine is blue with a K)

Thanks Ladies!


Settling in

We took Eissa to my parents’ house this weekend to visit and meet the family.  She was a little timid, but mostly just acted like she’d lived there her whole life!  She met new dogs, new people, and went for car rides (on one of them, she apparently jumped in the front seat, got her new leash stuck in between the seats, and chewed her way through it…we bought a new leash today 🙂 ).  She grumbled a little bit, barked a lot, and wagged her little tail all the time!  My grandparents and Aunt told me that if we can’t keep her for some reason, they would take her.  She made quite an impression!

Today  Noah took the day off with me.  I love that man.  We went out for coffee, bike shopping, dog leash and collar shopping, more bike shopping, dinner and groceries.  Now he’s downstairs working on his newest addition to the bike collection.

Things are good at home.  Work, not awesome, but at home they are good.  (I feel like I should knock on wood or something…)

things you learn…

apparently, dogs eat hamsters!

When I left for Target, new dog and Satchel were asleep on the couches.  The fat cat was sleeping in the red chair, the tiny cat was missing and the hamsters were snuggled up together in their cage.

When I came back from Target, the dogs are nowhere to be seen.  I call and I hear a scrambling and a crash from upstairs.  I enter the room to find the hamster cage on its side and hamster bedding everywhere.  New dog is quite pleased with herself.  She’s sitting in the middle of the mess wagging her tail.  Upon closer inspection, I realize that there is blood all over the hamster cage.  I look closely…only one hamster remains.

New dog has an apparent craving for small furry creatures.  My aunt tried to say the cats were framing new dog.  Which could be possible.  The tiny cat has pulled the hamster through the cage bars before and she does kill mice.  However.  She doesn’t eat them, there’s not blood involved and we had inadvertently trapped her in our bedroom!  So she wasn’t even free during the time period the hamster expired.

Cute though she is, cat, dog, and kid safe she may be…but she is most definitely not pocket pet friendly!

A little help?

Anyone out there a 0 or a 2 who would have a dress I could borrow to wear to a wedding this spring?  I have four weddings to go to and only one dress.  I hate to buy another dress for the weddings, but I also hate to wear the same dress to four weddings?  Anyone?  I’ll pay for shipping and you’re welcome to borrow something of mine!

We’re getting a dog!

and changing some life plans…

I’m super excited about getting another dog.  I’ve always had two dogs growing up, and I miss having a second dog.  I think Satchel will really enjoy having a companion.  We are looking at medium dogs so that we don’t have another large dog in the house but I don’t really care for small dogs either.  We are looking at full grown dogs because I don’t really want to deal with puppy-dom.  I’d much rather avoid the chewing and peeing while giving an older dog a good home.

In order to do that, we’ve decided on some life changes.  When we got married, I didn’t want kids.  I like kids, I love my job, but I didn’t really want one of my own.  As we got older and bought a house, two nice cars, had good jobs…it became the expected thing to do.  Our friends began having kids and pressuring us to have them too.  Our families started with the expectation that we would have kids any day now.  We felt so much pressure to do what was expected and to not disappoint our families.  This year I’ve realized some things about myself.  I leave so much of myself behind when I do my job every day that there’s hardly anything left for Noah let alone for a child.  I spend all day listening to children cry, scream, and whine and I don’t know that I can do that all day and then come home and deal with it at home.  Noah wants to go back to school and get a degree he can actually use and we certainly can’t afford to pay for childcare and have him unemployed at the same time.  If we have kids now, then we are at the very least putting his dream off for many years and at worst killing his dream altogether.  I don’t really care for babies…I’m not maternal.  I don’t enjoy tieing shoes and wiping noses or cleaning up bodily fluids.  We have a friend who want kids so badly you can see it on her face every time she looks at kids…I don’t.  I don’t feel that way.  My “womb” doesn’t “ache” when I see kids.  Usually what I think is, “keep your germy hands to yourself.”  Not very maternal eh?   I am happy with my body and I don’t want to lose it.  My family tends to get very wide in the hips after having kids…very wide.  You can lose the weight, but if your hips don’t go back…there’s nothing you can do about that.  And finally, I don’t want to lose my identity.  I don’t want “someone’s mom” to be my only identity.  I’m not ready for that.

So…for now, we are putting off kids.  I’ve called the doctor and we’re determining cost to have my Mirena put back in.  If Noah does go back to school, it will be next year.  And then he’s got a minimum of 2 years of schooling and most likely 3 to get through before he’ll have a degree so…we’re looking at a minimum of 3 years before we revisit this idea of having kids.  I’m not going to deal with having a period for 3 years.  I don’t do well with birth control and I’m allergic to condoms (I know, TMI) so…yeah, Mirena back in.  I’m just kicking myself for having it out in the first place!  In the end, when our three years are up, I don’t know if we’ll try or not.  We’ve talked about fostering with the long term intent to adopt and I think we are both much more comfortable with that idea.  Noah’s not a fan of infants either.  I’m not saying I won’t change my mind, but that’s where my head is at.

What I have to figure out now, is how to be OK with how I feel.  It’s blasphemy for a woman to say she doesn’t really want kids and it’s doubly worse when that woman is a teacher.  All I hear at work is “When you’re a mom you’ll understand.”  Well…sorry…but once your child reaches school age, I spend more of their waking hours with them than you do.  I wrangle 30 kids in a public place on a six hour field trip.  I have to be teacher, mother, mentor, friend, confidant, and a myriad of other things to your child on a daily basis.  I’m not saying that I know them better than you or that you’re not a good parent, but don’t say I can’t understand because I’m not a mom.  I’m a mother to 30 (and if you’re a special ed teacher, sometimes 180) children a year.  I understand.  Give me the same respect I give you.  Respect that this is where I’m at right now.  Don’t try to change my mind.  Don’t smile condescendingly at me and act like I’m missing out on the world’s greatest thing.  That’s your choice and you’re entitled to it.  This is mine for right now.  I reserve the right to change my mind, but once you’re a parent there is no changing your mind.  You’re in it for life.  Give me some credit for trying to make the right decision for me and my family just like you do for yours.